Saturday, December 10th was memorable at the 4th edition (my first attendance) of Mind the Gap X class tagged ”Love, Sex & Music”. Mind the Gap X is a specialized bespoken class for Single, Engaged, Divorced & Married people created by Wale Adefarasin (Pastor, Guiding Light Assembly) and Lanre Olusola (Africa’s premier life, mind, emotions & behavioral change coach) popularly known as the Catalyst.
The class had amazing speakers (Leke Alder, Pastor & Mrs. Bolaji Idowu, Fela & Tara Durotoye, Alibaba & Mary Akpobome, Joke Silva & Olu Jacobs) in attendance who engaged the audience on their marital journey. The class was anchored by Dolapo Oni Sijuade & Tomi Aluko. The class started at 9.45am with a welcome & introduction to Mind the Gap X by Pastor Wale Adefarasin.
Leke Alder (Founder, Alder Consulting) was the first speaker who talked about ‘’Critical Mistakes/Issues That Lead to Separation & Divorce’’. He read a letter he wrote to Jill which is summarized as follows:
- Don’t marry someone you don’t love, you don’t know or doesn’t love you.
- The real divorce is emotional separation from one another.
- Reasons people divorce are: Money, Sex, Willfulness, Selfishness/Self-Centeredness, Clash of cultural philosophies, Abuse, In-laws, and Un-forgiveness.
- The problem is not the marriage but the person(s) in the marriage.
- There are many causes of divorce but the most prominent is the inability to sort ourselves. Make sure you sort yourself of any bitterness from your past before going into marriage.
Pastor Bolaji Idowu (Pastor, Harvesters International Christian Center) was the second speaker talking about ‘’Destructive & Unrealistic Expectations’’ which is summarized as follows:
- Most people have a long check list of qualities they want in their future partner.
- A lot of people desire certain things from their partners during dating & courtship and these desires turn to expectations after marriage. He cited an example of how he praised his fiancee in the presence of his friends every time she brought food for him in his office but he didn’t see it as a big deal after marriage because he thought that was expected of a wife to do.
- Expectation drains gratitude and Gratitude brings Reality.
- Successful marriages are full of dead people i.e. those people who are dead to selfishness, anger, malice etc. but choose to make their partners happy even before they make them happy.
Afterwards, we had the first Panel Q&A session moderated by Pastor Wale Adefarasin with panelist Leke Alder, Pastor Bolaji & Omowunmi Idowu. They answered questions passed to them from the audience. The session was so real & practical. Excerpts from the session:
- Women who think they can do something to change a man after marriage should have a rethink. ”You can’t take him to the altar to alter him” – Leke Alder.
- Sex is a mental thing not a physical thing.
- Marriage works because we work at it.
The couples’ interview was my favourite part of the class which was moderated by Lanre Olusola (The Catalyst). The topic ‘’Getting it Right in Marriage & Relationship’’ was discussed by these couples – Pastor Bolaji & Omowunmi Idowu, Fela & Tara Durotoye, Alibaba & Mary Akpobome, Joke Silva & Olu Jacobs. They had two minutes each to talk about their marital journey and how they fixed the crack in their marriages. The highlights from the interview are:
- Friendship – Be friends first before you commit to a relationship.
- Forgiveness – This is key in any relationship.
- Kindness – Be kind to one another.
- Acceptance – Understand & accept one another for who they are.
- Sex – Have great sex regularly.
- Maturity – Grow in maturity, be real, be practical.
There was a breakout session after the couples’ interview for men and women to talk about sex separately (i.e. man to man & woman to woman). The breakout session which lasted for 45 mins was moderated by Alibaba Akpobome & Fela Durotoye for the men and Tara Durotoye & Omowunmi Idowu for the women. After that, there was a plenary on sex talk – a feedback session anchored by Alibaba Akpobome, Dolapo Oni Sijuade & Tomi Aluko.
The class came to a close with the vote of thanks by Lanre Olusola.
There was an After Party immediately after the class.
Thanks to Lanre Olusola and Pastor Wale Adefarasin for organizing this event to guide the Single, Engaged, Divorced & Married on their relationship journey.